But as soon as I start to talk - they start to argue, they defend, they attack -- I say "look just reserve judgement for now" - but they seem incapable of that. They state assumptions as a matter of fact - I suggest there maybe be other causes/reasons - they are categoric that their view is the only one and the right one. They turn the conversation emotional. Actually, this is not really a conversation - it never can be.
Maybe I am not skilful enough - maybe what I say or the way I say it seems like an attack on their judgement - on their intelligence. But in some situations - how ever I play it - the conversation is turned into a debate - a fight as to who is right and who is wrong.
But maybe there is another way of looking at it?
Advice is unfriendly to learning, especially when it is sought.Is the answer really that simple? Don't give advice - just listen?
Most of the time when people seek advice, they just want to be heard.
Advice at best stops the conversation, definitely inhibits learning, and at worst claims dominance.
Credit: Peter Block
Stephen Covey says something similar on empathic listening.