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| The Gurteen Knowledge Website |
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Article
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Change (Work in progress) |
 
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This is my 'work in progress' on an article on "Change" (29th May 2002) I was talking with my 16 year old son Jonathan recently one evening about life, the universe and everything. At one point he commented that it was so difficult to change your beviour and asked me how you could change. I muttered it was all to do with improving your awarness and understanding and then it was easy. He was clearly not too convinced. So I told him a story. A husband and wife were travelling by car - the husband was driving. It was a long tiring journey and at one point the wife asked her husband if he wanted to stop for a coffee. He replied "No - I'm fine." and continued driving. A few minutes later he realised that his wife had gone quiet and was clearly upset with him. "Whats the matter he enquired?" "You!" - she said - "I wanted to stop for a coffee but oh no you dont care about me. You just want to carry on driving - you are so selfish." The husband was used to this sort of emotional ouburst - it happened time and again and he was beweildered and annoyed by it. "No you did not say that you wanted to stop! You asked me if I did - and I didn't he replied angrily - I'm just fine and want to get home." "That's typical - always thinking of your self" she responded - "you never think of me - you just do not care!" "Now thats just not true!" ... Well the conversation turned into a huge argument and they contunued their journey home in stony silence. A few days later the husband was down the pub with a friend and he old him the story - expecting some sympathy ... But don't you understand his friend replied ... Its just her way of asking you to do something for her ... she does not like to ask directly that would feel selfish ... so she asks indirectly .... Haven't you figured that out yet? How long is it you've been married? Oh my God - you are right - I never saw it that way - now I understand ... From that day on the husband understood and whenever his wife asked indirect questions - he understood her meaning ... A few months passed and she commented to him - you really have changed of late - you are so nuch more considerate than you ever were ... At this point my son interrupted - but dad he had not really changed - that sort of change is easy - he just understood her better - and did what he would have done anyway once he understood ... Spot on Jon - I replied - thats the message in the story - to change all you need to do is become more aware, improve your understanding and then change is effortless ... Now of course not all change is as easy as this - if the husband had not loved his wife and did not care about her - he may have now understood better but still ignored her request to stop ... very little might have changed his behaviour then ... What drives our behaviour at its core are our beliefs and values Now we are always talking about change in Knowledge Management ... how do we make people share ... you dont make them .. you talk to them like the the two mern in the pub ... you help them to open thier eyes\... to wake up .. to become more aware ... to imprve thir understdnding and agiain changer is easy ...
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03:56 PM GDT |
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